壓腿

幾年前的事了。不過適逢好友S幾天前旋風襲港，便想起這個故事。

S當年在日本工作，難得回來香港數天，我們幾位姊妹當然相約一聚。酒過三巡，大家互道了近況，又想起說起不少往事，萬分盡慶，亦是時候回家了。

週五晚上的中環，我們都知道的士難求。在酒店門口等了一會便知無運行。正準備行到畢打街的士站排隊，看見有輛「冚旗」的士駛至，同行的兩位九龍人立即截停開門上車，點知... ... 司機聽到目的地是紅磡，便拒載。朋友們於是問他去不去柴灣，以為可以把車「讓」給住在港島東的S和我。怎料再次被司機拒絕。朋友們唯有下車。

「九龍唔去，香港又唔去，你想點？係咪要去火星？」朋友一怒之下的說話，令大家捧腹。

然後唯有乖乖的一行四人去的士站排長龍。

咦，突然又有一架「冚旗」的士出現。S立時一支箭鏢出去，不，是跨過行人路上那足有一米多高的欄杆，然後問司機去不去柴灣。說時遲那時快，她向我點頭示意，就在那電光火石之間，我需要即時起動。然而只有五呎三的我，面對去到我腰的欄杆，實在有點淆底。與此同時，S已上了車，而正在排長龍的其他夜歸人同聲起哄，於是... ... 「死就死啦！」然後就這樣奇蹟地跨過了。

車門還未關上，我倆已經笑到透不過氣。「好在平時有壓腿啫！」S說。

當然，酒精都係另一助力。

都說是幾年前的事，現在的我應該沒那麼好身手了。 

食cold cut等睇戲

昨晚收工後和朋友HH，本來打算飲兩杯便回家，怎料期間發生了奇人奇事，於是八卦的我們便瀨死唔走等睇戲。

在我們飲緊second round、食緊美味cold cuts的時候，無喇喇有對外籍男女突然從餐廳內走到近門口位置的吧枱坐下。他們手上既沒有任何飲品食品，也不像是將要落order的樣子。他們就這樣坐著，面上毫無表情，實在有點奇怪。不過我和朋友也沒有多大理會，繼續吹水。

然後，看到有警察經過餐廳門口。不，那兩位警察的目的地就是這間餐廳。那對外籍男女看到警察哥哥，便向他們點頭示意，他們便進入餐廳了。其中一位向那對男女說話，而另一位則往找店員。

這個時候，我和朋友，以至餐廳內的其他顧客，全都將注意力放到他們身上。啊，原來有人不滿意餐廳的食物，因而拒絕付款。最後要勞動警察哥哥。

看著警察哥哥不斷跟那對男女說話，但又好像完全沒有結果。可憐那位waitress，餐廳幾乎滿座，只有她一人兼顧service同時應付/協助警察。

此情此景，我和朋友都對那兩個人很反感。因為即使不滿餐廳的食物，也沒理由食霸王餐喎！除非那些食物明顯變壞了，否則顧客只好嘆句中伏。當然，顧客絕對有權，也應該向店方反映意見。而我相信今時今日打開門做生意的，也會酌情處理，如主動為客人提供另些食物、給予節扣、不收取該「問題食物」的費用等等等等。

要搞到報警的話，經驗告訴我，通常是顧客一方玩嘢。

在這膠著的期間，我和朋友向其中一位警察八卦，然後證實我們沒有猜錯。而警察也表示他們不能不付錢。我們說那二人簡直浪費警力，警察哥哥也很無奈。

不單只我們對那二人鄙視，鄰桌的客人也一樣。其中一位男士忍不住對他們說：「Very classy!」當然，那面皮極厚的霸王二人組就像沒聽到一樣。

最後，自然是邪不能勝正，那兩位食唔成霸王餐，還是乖乖的去付錢。But that’s not the end of the story. 那女的臨走前還要特登拍下餐廳門口的照片，簡直係跌落地嗱番渣沙最佳示範。

瘟神走了，我們跟waitress傾偈。她當然不開心，說那二人一定會向他們的朋友說這餐廳怎樣怎樣。我則對她說，不用擔心，像這樣的人，斷估朋友不多。況且物以類聚，那二人的朋友，不來幫趁也罷。

Mis(s)Adventure, Trial and Tribulation 19: Good idea, stolen

About two years ago, I had this idea of having a “survival kit” in the office as a remedy for situations like going straight to work from a drinking marathon, or, the dreadful walk of shame. The kit would contain mouth wash, all the necessary cosmetics, a fresh panty and the like. The idea is to help me get through the day easier, avoiding everyone in the office giving me the I-know-what-you-did-last-night look.  

The survival kit never came to fruition as I couldn’t be bothered and more importantly, my needs to having it slowly became less.

Until a few days ago, this idea came back to me. And so I Googled a bit and albeit half-expected, I was disappointed to find that someone else already did it.

The Svedka Walk of Shame After, After Party Pack.

Well, maybe I should do my own brand and sell it.

Mis(s)Adventure 不定期連載之十八：中女夜遊

某個週末，到了朋友家為她下廚慶祝新居入伙。回到家已差不多午夜了，可是我又身痕，想出外party，卻又苦無朋友相伴。這就是中女的煩惱之一。但身痕就是身痕嘛，反正呆在家也不會乖乖早點睡。於是我便出發到在我家不遠處那家新的club。

之前我沒有來過這地方，那天打的音樂是我喜歡的類型，不過來跳舞的人都很年輕。這是中女的煩惱之二。

然後 … …

有位年輕人和我搭訕。我有一句沒一句的應他，之後他便返到他的朋友們那邊了。

喝過跳過後，我也打算回家了。當我爬樓梯從basement走回地面時，我聽到後面有急速的腳步聲。噢，是他。

「你，你走喇？」

「係呀，好攰，要返屋企喇。Bye bye。」

「Bye bye。」

我還走不過半個街口，他便又跑上來。還要邊跑邊問我可否把電話號碼給他。

我也沒有推說半句。我心想：「哈！好耐無試過有人追出來問我攞電話！」就這樣交換了電話。

然後？

也沒有甚麼特別事發生，亦沒有再見面。

Mis(s)Adventure, Trial and Tribulation 17: You are vely lomantic

My good friend Ms A thinks I’m a romantic person. I’d like to agree with her. But there are times when I’m a kill joy too.

While I happily do stupid (yeah, very often that’s equivalent to romantic) things to people I love. But then sometimes my pride and sensibilities would stop me from letting romantic things happen.

Last time I refused a gentlemanly offer of a piggy back - only to regret it right away.

Something similar happened a few nights ago.

He decided he needed a quiet night and so we just had dinner at his place and then watched TV. Much later, we both got bored and went up to the roof for some fresh air. There, standing by the railing under the moonlight, looking over the quiet streets, he said something that should have been quite cute and romantic. The next thing I know, I just totally ruined it by shooting a “don’t be silly” at him. Again, I regretted it immediately. 

The rest of the evening passed unceremoniously.

I woke up the next morning, wondering if I’ll ever learn a lesson.

Mis(s)Adventure, trial and tribulation 16: What? Piggyback?

One fine day. Three ladies and a gentleman were enjoying a leisurely lunch, chatting the afternoon away.

Then they saw the guy at the next table playing with his daughter and giving her a piggyback.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if a guy does that with me?” G said.

Everyone just laughed and went, “What? I didn’t know you’re into acrobats!”

Keeping his cool, G said, “Don’t you find it very intimate? I mean, how often do you get people offering you a piggyback?”

While my two girls K and L were still laughing their heads off, I went quiet.

“In fact, someone did. But I didn’t let him.”

***        ***        ***

It was about one or two years ago.

We were going to a concert. I even had the time and patience to go shopping that afternoon, thinking to get a rock chic look for the night. Back home, got changed and happily went out in my new look. I regretted my choice of outfits ten minutes after I left home though. How could I be standing all night in these 4-inch heels?

That was the same question he asked when he saw me.

But then I tried to be so cool and said it’s fine, I’m used to it.

When the concert was over, we headed to Central for drinks. My feet were killing me and I was hungry by then but still I tried very hard not to show it.

In the end, I told him I was really tired and asked him not to walk so fast. He didn’t say a word but slowed down a bit. Then as we approached the steps, he turned back and said something. I couldn’t hear him and asked, “What’s up?”

“Want me to give you a piggyback?”

At the time I thought it’s way too weird and said, “Nah, I’m fine. We’re almost there anyway.”

***        ***        ***

At this point, K and G said with a cunning smile, “Aren’t you regretting not saying yes?”

Needless to say…

Mis(s)Adventure 不定期連載之十六：咩呀？孭你好冇？

一個風和日麗的下午，三女一男悠閒地吃午餐，說這說那。

忽爾看到鄰桌外籍爸爸和女兒玩騎膊馬，朋友G便說：「哈，其實如果有個男人肯咁同我玩都幾幸福喎。」

我跟另外兩位女友K及L不禁哈哈大笑，並道：「吓？叠羅漢？乜原來你好雜耍架？」

G正色道：「你哋唔覺得咁好親暱咩？孭你喎？你話有冇人咁輕易肯孭你先？」

正當K、L二人繼續笑個不停的時候，我卻靜下來。

「有呀，不過我冇俾佢孭到囉。」

***        ***        ***

那是年多兩年前的事吧。

我們約好去看concert。那個下午我還有閒情逸致去shopping，準備以rock chic姿態去看show。回家變身然後興奮出門與他會合。怎料還未到達，便已後悔，我怎能穿著這對四吋多的鞋站一整晚呢？

他看到我也忍不住問我同一條問題。

我只有扮cool說沒事，我慣了。

Concert完了，我們往中環喝東西。那時我已經又累又餓，不過死要扮型的我，當然繼續死撐。

終於還是跟他說很累，叫他行慢一點。他也没說甚麼，稍稍放慢了腳步。然後，落樓梯那刻，他轉過頭來，說了句甚麼。我聽不清楚，便問：「咩呀？」

「要不要我孭你呀？」

那一刻我覺得很騎呢，便說不用了，反正就快到了。

***        ***        ***

聽至此，K及G異口同聲問：「家陣係咪好後悔呢？」

仲使問嘅！